What do you think of my first poem?

Question

I have a friend; I have another,
To two, I am brother,

Then there is a pair,
Who brought me into sun and air,

(parents)

She who bore the pain,
He did to sustain,
There is one who stands tall,
He is for me; He is for all,
(God)

For me are His rivers and roots,
Mountains and Mutes,
His love is mine,
A gift divine,
By them all, there is one,
That is me, the lucky one.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't really care for it, but a huge improvement would be made by removing the parentheticals. That's because you are condescending your readers by assuming your readers are too stupid to figure out what you're already making quite plain and because part of what makes poetry interesting and fun is sussing the meaning and not having it all spelled out to us like we're five years old.

What do you think of my first poem?

1 Answer