How do I get my husband to spend less money?

Question

My husband agreed before we got married that he would work too. A year later he still does not work outside the home. This, however, is not the primary problem. The problem is that no matter how much I try to save, he continues to spend on "wants" instead of reigning in his spending until he gets a job. If we were very spendthrifty my income could support both of us, however, since he keeps spending...it's gotten to the point that my income only covers the minimum payments on credit cards plus the water and power bill. I have explained this to him many times. He knows what are budget is - he has even agreed to it...yet he cannot stick to it.

I don't spend money on me because we can't afford it...but he refuses to do the same. How do I convince him he doesn't need to spend $30 on books plus another pound of coffee every week even though he has 6 or 7 at home already etc.?

Update:

*our budget

I don't spend money on me because we can't afford it...but he refuses to do the same.  How do I convince him he doesn't need to spend $30 on books plus another pound of coffee every week even though he has 6 or 7 at home already etc.?

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds as though the situations are different. If he's being stationed somewhere right after you get married then it's understandable that you're not able to immediately go on a honeymoon. If he wasn't in the military with her then it wouldn't have been an issue. There will be many more opportunities for you to go on wonderful vacations with him in the future. Tell him how important it is to you to have some sort of a honeymoon (even if it's an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast). I'm sure he'll do something very romantic for you as well.

Jack · Answer

This is probably the least expected answer:
Marriage counseling.

Now.

No kidding.

If you guys want the marriage to work out, you are absolutely going to need professional, outside support.  Money is not the root of your problems, and until you two discover and agree to fix the root problem(s), you will continue to have these money, job, sex, or whatever squabbles.

It won't be too long before one or the other of you just walks out.

Invest in your relationship first and it will be possible to attack the other issues.

? · Answer

He's lazy. He's gotten comfortable with you working and bringing in the money.

You've got several options, all bad:

Take away his credit cards and put him on an allowance.

Kick him out. Or leave him.

Read the Greek play Lysistrata--or a summary of it. You can find one at. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysistrata Then do what those women did.

Go to a marriage counselor.

Those are pretty much your options.

Hope that helps.

Goonhilda · Answer

Set up another bank account in your name only immediately.  Have your employer split your wage over your current account and this new savings account.  Don't tell your husband about the account.  Tell him something has happened at work and you have to take a pay cut.  Do not tell him about the savings.  This is your emergency fund -- if you write the car off or something, this is the money you use to fix the problem.  And if you ever have to leave him, this is the money you use to do it, if it ever comes to that.  :)

Less money available to him will mean he won't be able to spend.  This person is not going to change their behaviour, so you have to give them a head start by making it impossible for them to spend that money.  If he can't access it, he won't be able to spend it.

I would keep an eye on your husband -- is he likely to apply for credit cards and spend that?  Be very careful.  I would take the cards he has access to and cut them in half, and hide the pieces.  That way, he can only spend money if he knows the account number.

Things in your household are at a critical level.  You need to get it through to him that if he continues to do this, you will leave him -- because if he loved you, he wouldn't rack up this kind of debt and leave you to deal with it.  YOU are the one with the money.  YOU are the one with the job.  If you absolutely had to, you could leave him to deal with his own mess.

I would consider cancelling the cards that are in your name and consulting a divorce lawyer -- not to get a divorce, but just to suss out your options and what you are liable for if his behaviour continues.  You owe it to yourself to protect yourself.

I used to give financial counselling to women leaving domestic violence.  This constitutes financial abuse.  If you want any more advice please feel free to email me. :)  You need to protect yourself in this instance -- you aren't helping him by letting him do this to you.  :)

john · Answer

Almost every house wife on the planet has the same problem.. Men are less logical than women and think everything is about indulgence.. Except for some and they are usually among the financial elite and upper financial classes..

D · Answer

Make a budget together give him a set amount that is his play money .. 
and when he is out then he is out tough luck. 
Pay bills and save money ect.

My mom gives my dad 25$ for a week and when its gone its gone hope this helps .

? · Answer

Sadly, you should have taken custody of the credit cards months ago and put him on a tiny cash allowance.

Hoa · Answer

He is a loser, not a real man. Anyways, you should close all the joint accounts. Open your own personal checking account.  Dump him please

tro · Answer

don't let him have access to your money

How do I get my husband to spend less money?

9 Answers