Is this sentence grammatically incorrect?

Date- 01-12-2014

To, the Director,

Immigration Department,

Hong Kong.

Subject- Explanation letter.

I Raju Rai, would like to draw you attention that I am a resident of Nepal, Jhapa District eastern part of Nepal. The time Maoist rebel and Nepal Govt had a big political conflict in 2006. I was the supporter of Nepal Govt, the Maoist rebel had given me a life threaten.Maoist had to suffer a great casualty in Jhapa in 2006. Maoist blamed me an informer of Government for that casualty.Then I came to Kathmandu to save my life. I did not feel save in Kathmandu too. So I flew for Saudi Arabia. After. I came back to Nepal , I could not stay in my area I went to Kathmandu. Then I came to Hong Kong.

Still in Nepal, the situation for me is not favorable. A big mass of Maoist already went out of peace processing. I am informed by my family that I have been searching there since the casualty and inquire me whereabouts.

In this situation, if I go to Nepal they will kill me, and I heard some informers of Government have been killed before

The 2nd one.

No 2 who's is an abbreviation of who is, whose is possessive

I would like to say thank you to Destiny kings Loan finance for all the things they have helped me with. I have a large family, and every time we have had a crisis Destiny kings Loan finance has helped us out. I thank God for the help they have provided to me and my family,email them today at {destinykingsfinance@yahoo.com

{destinykingsfinance@yahoo.com}

2nd one

1st one !