What is the proper etiquette for meals and photographer/musicians/etc?

I would absolutely include them in the head count, and tell them before that you are expecting them to eat during their break - whatever time that was specified to be. I doubt that they will refuse! It's just the right thing to do for those small # of people who are working for you.

I'm a wedding planner and my advice is that if the vendor will be there for a significant amount of time, yes you should feed them. Some vendors (esp. photographers) even include that a meal must be provided in their contract.

However, it does not have to be the same meal as your guests. Some caterers offer vendor meals at a much lower price (i.e. brown bag meal of a sandwich, chips, cookie, soda). And there have been times where I included it in my contract for my client and I provided the brown bag meal for the vendors for about $5-7 each.

However, I do believe in providing the photographer with the same meal as the guests and having him/her to eat in the same room as the guests...only because I always want the photographer to be immediately available for pictures...you never know when a good pic opportunity is going to happen. The other vendors (i.e. string ensemble & college helper) can have a brown bag meal in another room...otherwise you will have to add another table to your reception floor plan to seat them and pay $33 each.

If it were the proper etiquette then the waiters in really high class restaurants would never ask a woman what she wanted in the first place! He does get to chose the wine,although it is polite if he refers his choice to you before actually ordering, the same applies to choice of venue and if he invited you then he gets to pay and leave the tip. The whole point of dining out together is that your boyfriend gets to show you how considerate and companionable he can be, not so that he can decide what you may and may not eat. If you don't want to get into a debate about it then the next time you dine out,wait until he has ordered and then say to the waiter that you have changed your mind and would prefer .. whatever instead.Even if you have already told your boyfriend what you want you are allowed to change your mind. Do this often enough and he should get the message.

As a photographer, we really appreciate a meal at the reception. Here is how we usually do things: We take pics of the bridal party and immediate family members getting their meals, whether buffet or plated, and then we get into line (if a buffet) or request our meals from the caterer. We do this so that we are eating in the down time, and we can be back up and running by the time the bridal party is ready. Many times we start working early afternoon and work until late in the evening, and a good hot meal is truely appreciated-helps keep us going! =)

Yes, you feed the "help". It's great that you are already thinking of including them. I've been to weddings where the photographer is at my table for dinner. Sometimes, they just fill in at a table where someone has RSVP'd and didn't show or the couple assigns them to a table as part of the seating chart.

You definitely feed them. Our reception hall had a special area set up for them where they could leave their belongings and kept food and fresh beverages out for them during the evening.

Don't deduct it from their cost and include them in the headcount. Just let them know you plan on having some food available to them during the evening and see if they have any allergies.

Definitely include them. You can ask them when is a good time for them to eat. They would know the best time.

My fiance and I are paying for the meals of the DJ/MC and the photographer/videographer, as well as the peron who is marrying us, if she chooses to stay for dinner.