What should I do? Unemployed boyfriend w/ unfortunate circumstances & toxic parents.?

Question

Bf has inconsistent employment track record. In past 4 yrs, he worked 4 jobs (5 including location transfer outofstate). 1st job - fired for not taking on manager's lazy daughter's workload & arrested bc of a 1-time incident where he stole $100 months prior. When caught, he apologized & paid $100+. Manager lied abt him not facing serious consequences obvi. Reason he stole? Parents forced him to contribute to bills, groceries, & pay for their gas. They used his car & gave no gas $, had him buy all groceries & takeout, yet not allowed any of it. The incident was a moment of desperation/fear of not being able to pay for parents gas & afford food that nite. Parents were already threatening to kick him out for not giving up all his paycheck.
He finished probation 1yr later & managed to find a new job for abt 8 months. Transferred to another location in TX to live w/ bro to save $ bc parents still used up his paychecks. Got a 2nd job & lost both bc of Covid. He moved back home Sep'20. Found new job for 3 wks b4 quitting bc they didnt respect he's a Seventh Day Adventist & cant do Saturdays bc of it. He's been unemployed for abt 7 months now w/ no luck at finding anything. A criminal record & being an SDA limits his chances for a job & he lacks motivation now. Im ready to move out this summer w/ more than enough $ saved. Want him to move in w/ me to get away from his parents & save up his $. Agreed to split everything equally but his inconsistency worries me & he seems unreliable.

drip · Answer

Sorry but both you and him need to realize all this is not due to circumstances out of his control. He needs to own up to that. His reason for stealing is not valid.

Did he make it crystal clear he could not work in Saturday’s because of his religion when interviewed. Did he try to talk to his boss or HR and work out a schedule?Since neither of you are putting any blame on him for his own action, this is only going to get worse.There are jobs everywhere. He can be working in a fast food place, Wal mart, Target. There are plenty of factory jobs that are M-F. He can get with a temp agency.DO NOT allow him to move in with you. This will be a disaster.  It won’t help him and it really will not help you.

You really need to take a couple of steps back and reevaluate him and your relationship.

Tell him once he can support himself, have a steady job for more than a couple of months, has some money saved up, THEN you can move in together.

Right now you are just enabling him.

n2mama · Answer

You should absolutely not move in together if you aren’t prepared to pay for 100% of your total living expenses. His history shows that it is very likely that he will not have stable employment and probably will not be able to consistently pay his half of expenses. So unless you are prepared to kick him out the first time he is late, you need to goin prepared to have to pay for everything.I u deist and your desire not to upset him, but you need to look out for and take care of yourself. If he doesn’t think it’s an important priority to be an equal partner, if the idea of moving in with you isn’t incentive enough for him to get and keep a stable job, take that as the massive red flag it is. Unless you want to spend the rest of your relationship potentially supporting this man financially, don’t take the step of moving in with him until he is stable and you are comfortable with his financial security.

What should I do? Unemployed boyfriend w/ unfortunate circumstances & toxic parents.?

2 Answers