What to do with autistic brother!?

Question

My brother is autistic, which isn't a problem in and of itself.

It's just...he is trying to apply for all these colleges and things- private places and not public. He is no where near cognitively capable of studying these courses, but insists on spending thousands of dollars in tuition.

He mistakenly thinks all you have to do is do the course and all the film jobs will be his. 

I WANT him to feel succesful and have self-determination, but he refuses to listen to us. We can't flat out say "you don't have the mental ability to do this course".

He also refuses to have anything to do with disability programs. But he is constantly feeling defeated because he can't self-advocate. He goes to interviews- can't do them well or fumbles, and they won't hire him. If he went through a service, they'd advocate on his behalf. He refuses to let us do it too.

He has no concept of the value of money, so he thinks spending 10 thousand dollars on a 1 year course that won't get him work is nothing. 

But he refuses to listen to our advice- seek out a course at a public institution. Go through Disability Services. 

He hates to be labelled as "disabled" and fair enough- but then he also hates the disabled! He doesn't want to be associated with them which in my mind is bigoted.


I'm at my wit's end!? Attending classes as an audit isn't enough for him anymore, he is determined to earn a degree, but he is no where near mentally capable (this isn't a case of borderline- because many autistic people get degrees. His cognitive age is about 14. He struggled through a basic certificate and JUST made it through. A degree would be a waste of his money.)

What do I do? And please- a lot of people will say "Let him make his own decision"

Well, we're trying to take care of him in the FUTURE. He can only think of NOW. Spending $10 000 on a useless course is not taking care of his needs. Such as having something to survive on in the event none of us can.

Help :(

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Let him fail. Or see if he succeeds. Just so its clear? People thought i was developmentally disabled. No. I just stopped caring, and stopped trying when others stopped caring.

But, of course, that may not be true in your case. I assume not, but then its hard to tell but lets assume its not and that this can be certain of. He is determined to try. if I know anything about other autistic spectrum folks, and I do becasue I am one, he will not drop this until he succeeds or fails.

You could go for a low level of failure. Say,  get a used copy of the course books and see how far he gets. But while this worked with me (I tried for six months. I just cant program computers well.) it may not with him.

Obviously, this is not an easy subject. And I hate to tell you, but aside from accepting failure (which is highly unlikely) right now... There's going to be no easy end. You may have to just let him make the mistake.

But there could be upsights beyond cost. If he goes to such a class, that will be a fantastic setting to get a handle on how peers act, without the...unsettling consequences of the compulsory school setting. In that case, he will suceed even if he fails.

Well, I've just spent several paragraphs saying "Theres nothing you can do." So i'll stop here. Damn social mimicry.. makes me ramble on way too long. Heres some prinnies to make up for it: http://i611.photobucket.com/albums/tt194/kamrom/dnscpe.gif

? · Answer

Have you tried getting guardianship of your brother so you can make his decisions?  If a judge does not think he can make decisions for himself, then he can be appointed a guardian to make decisions on his behalf. If the court say he is capable enough to make decisions for himself, there is really nothing else you can to but support him in his choices. I know it might be hard to watch him struggle but it is something everyone needs to do, disability or not.

? · Answer

It's has to be really difficult to support him but not to support poor choices. Would it help if he had to pay for the classes himself?
Then he could go as long as he wanted.
That's what I'd did for my kids.
Everyone is disabled in a way, aren't we?

What to do with autistic brother!?

3 Answers