Self harm? Help? Save me from myself.?

Question

I started feeling very sad at about 8 years old.But it was never really very bad. Depressed you can say. At 9, one time I had too much. I felt angry and sad and worthless i felt like screaming yet i can't. I can't bring myself too because i know the consequences. So i thought about self harm, i just started. I took a pair of scissors and started drawing on my wrist. not the bottom part because i know its dangerous. i made a vow to myself at 8 that i would never suicide no matter how bad it may be. Anyway, to be honest it was fun and releiving. When i saw blood, you might think i'm mad, but i actually felt a little happy, because i actually acheived something. At 11 i turned to biting. So much easier and much less revealing than cutting. If i bit real hard i might get a little bit of blood, but no more than a few drops, but it would always bruise and my skin very rarely shows bruises, only maybe a little but not much, it would hurt though. I'm 13 now. Yesterday, i had a fight with my parents.I bit myself again. They saw. They were angry called me phsycotic and crazy and mad and should be caged up in a zoo and people should be careful of me. so i bit again. This time they beat me and said that I am mad. I screamed and bit again. I feel so bad today. I have always been different, did things that were weird, hated by teachers, never confident but with words that were a double edged sword. Am i really mad and deserve to be caged in a zoo? I feel bad, and is it my fault? I guess it is, and i would like some comfort, and hope you won't judge.

Erik · Accepted Answer

Well, I'd like to say that your parents need to go to hell. Secondly, I used to feel like you at times when I was 9 and 10 and my parents treated me like crap too. They beat me and screamed at me and called me names, so I just went to the batheroom and filled the tub up with water and bleach. Then I tried to drown myself but someone walked in too soon. They rushed me to the hospital and the docters said I was going to die, and I was happy! Then a woman walked in my hospital room and asked me "Do you know Jesus?" I had heard of him but never really got to know him. So she took me to church one sunday morning and I felt so good about myself. I felt good because I finally made a friend that I can talk to anywhere. After that I found out that I could sing! I didn't know until we were having youth sunday and everyone was singing into the mic and I sung out of turn and kept singing and I sounded good! Then, I called DCS(child protective services) and they removed me from my home. Now I'm in a beautiful foster home with a person who encourages me everyday to be my best.(P.S. I don't think anyone deserves to be put in a cage, insane or not!!)

? · Answer

maybe you wouldn't have turned out this way if your parents didn't do crap like beat you and yell at you and call your names. Jesus. I think you should call child services on that because we're living in 2012 now. That's not supposed to happen.
And believe it or not, it's fairly common for people to feel relived after hurting themselves, that's why they keep doing it. Sounds like symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder. I'd say talk to someone about that. Also tell them you're being beaten. Self harm feels good, I know (I cut myself but never draw blood) but eventually you feel bad looking at all the scars and it can make you feel worse. You're 13, get help now. I'm 17 and I've dealt with this since about your age. And you don't want to be like me.

nothetypicalgirl · Answer

When youre young it can be hard to get a handle on your feelings. Truthfully without discipline, it can be hard as an adult too. It may seem hard to hear now because the feelings are so intense but once you get past this time, if you choose to get better, you can. But you have to want to be that better person. You arent weird or alone, youre just picking the wrong outlet for your pain. Write, dance, draw, smile at yourself in the mirror everyday. Find things that relieve your anxiety without doing harm. This too shall pass.

michelle · Answer

Go to the doctors my darling. Your not mad, don't ever think that. Show them what you have written, you are suffering with an illness. There are people like you too. Your at a difficult age right now. When you feel your getting angry or frustrated, do a time out. You probably feel like no one listens to you. There should be resources at your school to help you, talk to them. Please. You are not alone.

.......... · Answer

Find a hobby, find something that makes u happy and go for it so u don't have bite urself again

Self harm? Help? Save me from myself.?

5 Answers