Question for your teenage self?

Question

My 18 year old daughter is dating a guy that everyone in our family thinks is an absolute wrong choice for her. Not just immediate family - I'm talking aunts, uncles, grandparents and her friends etc.

He speaks down to her, uses and goes through her 'phone, says really bitchy things and then claims it's a 'joke' and (in my opinion) bullies her by being passive aggressive and sulky. 

She was recently hospitalised with severe abdominal pain and he thought it would be fun to poke her belly to 'test' if the morphine and oxycodone was working yet - yes! the pain was that bad ): They broke up yesterday after he objected to being told how unsupportive he had been while she was ill but he now seems to have convinced her to give him another shot. They had a screaming fight and he damaged our front door through slamming and/or hitting it but now it is all supposed to be fine :( 

We have tried to be as supportive of her as we can but I think the horrendous peer bullying that she has been through has left her vulnerable to this type of control. My major concern is that through his controlling and manipulative behaviour he is alienating her from her support network (both friends and family). My friends that I have seen date men who exhibited these behaviours have ended up in very abusive relationships. 

Please, can anyone give me some advice on how to help her to see that she deserves better than this?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Teens (the older the worse it is) rarely listen to the advice of family.  It's a pretty rare kid that can step back and objectively listen to their parents, especially. 

What about some of her friends?  Especially any guy friends she may have may be able to convince her that she's more special than she is being treated, and that there are plenty of other guys out there, and even if if means being 'alone' for a week, or a month until the right guy comes along- it's worth it.

Cafe D&#39;Ranged · Answer

Sadly, she will have to get enough of him herself. I did the same thing as a 16 year old, married the abuser and had a baby with him. Then one day, I woke up and took my baby and left. As hard as my life was after that, all I had to do is think of how I was throwing my life and the life of my child away on this lowlife! I divorced him and got an education and found a nice husband. One thing, if the girl is paying attention, once she gets enough of this guy, NO ONE will ever victimize her again. So I hope she has enough fight in her. My poor parents spent a lot of time praying while this was going on and now, I am so glad I made them happy with me in their elder years...we are close.

retro sh!t · Answer

Speaking as a teenage girl, you should let her find out he's a bad guy the hard way. If you step in she will become rebellious and want to be with him even more. Stepping in may even push her further away from you and she won't trust you enough to talk about him with you.

Anonymous · Answer

Sorry to hear, he sounds like an absolute thug! I'm not sure what to do because I can't understand why your daughter would even be with him in the first place.

Jessica · Answer

Well, she is 18 so she can do what she wants but she might be dating him to make
Her parents mad...

Question for your teenage self?

5 Answers