Question for your teenage self?

Question

My 18 year old daughter is dating a guy that everyone in our family thinks is an absolute wrong choice for her. Not just immediate family - I'm talking aunts, uncles, grandparents and her friends etc.

He speaks down to her, uses and goes through her 'phone, says really bitchy things and then claims it's a 'joke' and (in my opinion) bullies her by being passive aggressive and sulky. 

She was recently hospitalised with severe abdominal pain and he thought it would be fun to poke her belly to 'test' if the morphine and oxycodone was working yet - yes! the pain was that bad ): They broke up yesterday after he objected to being told how unsupportive he had been while she was ill but he now seems to have convinced her to give him another shot. They had a screaming fight and he damaged our front door through slamming and/or hitting it but now it is all supposed to be fine :( 

We have tried to be as supportive of her as we can but I think the horrendous peer bullying that she has been through has left her vulnerable to this type of control. My major concern is that through his controlling and manipulative behaviour he is alienating her from her support network (both friends and family). My friends that I have seen date men who exhibited these behaviours have ended up in very abusive relationships. 

Please, can anyone give me some advice on how to help her to see that she deserves better than this?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It sounds like she is caught in his trap of when its bad its bad but the good times are there also my children's father is like your daughters boyfriend and he kept this up until I finally broke and resized how miserable I have become. Afraid to leave and after awhile of being put down in" jokes" got fed up. I also felt the need to defend him when family or friends spoke badly about him. Im sharing this to also hope that my experience may help her as well. Allow her to see the bad as well as good but when she is feeling thou bad times ask her if the good can override the bad and If he respected her why would he wish to cause her pain? The" jokes" are his way of outing her down and making her feel less about herself so she wont leave him for a good man but also making her 2nd think confronting him. Be there for her I know that your family is going threw this crap as well and its is taking a toll of you as well as her. Offer her a rope to get out and when she refuses keep the rope down there. Don't allow him to separate or thin the connection you have with her. She needs you but also will make her own choices.

Anonymous · Answer

Let your husband pretend to abuse you in front of her and gauge her reaction.

Question for your teenage self?

2 Answers