overcoming borderline personality disorder?

Thanks for this question -- what a journey you've been on. To complete 12 months of DBT and other treatment is no small accomplishment, even though I'm sorry it hasn't seemed to have helped. The decisions you'll make for the next leg of your journey are huge.

I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD, but I have often felt that "push-pull" feeling in my relationships. I want them and I don't want them. I love them, I hate them. I beg for their care and when I get it I test its limits. I get that part, although I don't self-injure. And there are a lot of people who have a lot of theories as to why people develop this kind of way of being in the world and how best to help you with it.

Your question was if you will ever get over it. My answer? You can. You really really can. I don't buy the idea that "personality disorders are incurable." I've seen it, the latest neuroscience and research supports it, and I've experienced healing from this in my own life. You can ask my spouse -- I am literally a different person after two years of psychotherapy with a psychologist who was interpersonally and humanistically oriented (technical terms, only to infer it wasn't behavioral therapy such as much of what DBT is based on).

DBT works for a good many people. It may not for you. I didn't try it, but I found a therapist who was just incredible and for the first time in my life I felt loved, unconditionally accepted, and my feelings were validated, and in the safety of that environment I found an ability to relax in relationships, to explore myself more fully. I don't mean to make it sound magical, it wasn't. But it was a life-transforming experience.

All that to say that if DBT isn't working for you, ask about finding an alternative. There are a lot of therapists and psychologists out there and see your situation differently from DBT theory.

I know this isn't a real comprehensive answer, but when I saw your question I felt like I should share my experience. And I heard a lot of commitment, dedication, and resiliency in your post and I feel like you have what it takes, together with a caring therapist (whether in DBT or not) and a supportive family/friend network to find the kind of safety and trust in relationships you're looking for. Be well.

It would likely be best to stay in treatment. Change for personality disorders can be slow and not obvious for a while.

The idea that is cannot be cured is absurd. Some people make full recoveries from all forms of psychiatric issues. The issue has more to do with you than with statistics or diagnoses. I have worked with, and watched, some people make very meaningful progress over the past 25 years. Whether or not they are cured is debatable but they are people who could not, currently, be diagnosed with personality disorders based on how well they are doing.

The borderline personality disorder can take long time to overcome. That you feel that you have achieved nothing does not mean you have not made progress, the changes come gradually. I'm shure you have made progress but it can be hard to see them for yourself.

I would definitely recommend another 12 months of interaction with the public mental health system.

This is the absolute best alternative and will help you.

Sorry to hear about your son's brain tumors. I hope he heals quickly. What did you mean you need your puppy?

BPD is never cured, it is something that you learn over your entire life how to deal with it on a day by day basis. If you don't like your psychologist for having her own life, then you need to find one that doesn't have a life and is completely dedicated to you and you alone.

I think you can tell that I am obviously being sarcastic about my last statement because everyone has a life. People are going to go on a holiday, their loved ones may pass away and they need to go out of town for a funeral...etc. You are going to have to learn to deal with such issues. I know it feels like abandonment which is a BPD's worst nightmare, but its not. They are just living their lives outside of yours. Best of Luck to you on how to learn to let others live theirs and you live yours.

I'm sorry to hear about your son's brain tumours.

You never recover from a personality disorder, you just, at some point, "learn to deal with it" and "cope better".

Check out composer63 on youtube. Very good videos.