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You would think it would make me happy?
Yet it has made me anything but.
I have been a SAHM & since being unfairly sacked by my boss 14 months ago & a few months ago started studying psychology.
This time last week I applied for a job in my old field of law - totally spur of the moment decision & a job I very much need - at the moment I can't feed my son & I because I have zero money available. Today I got confirmation that I got the job & am being paid $15 an hour above what I planned on asking for - so basically for working a 2 day week, combined with the money I get for my son (I am a single mum - my son's father passed away while I was pregnant with him) I will be earning more than I previously was when working full time & life will financially be a whole heap easier now.
So why is it that all of a sudden I feel completely incapable of doing a job that actually has less responsibility than my previous job & a lower workload. I just don't feel capable of doing it & the stress of thinking that way has made me cut myself again (I suffer from borderline personality disorder) & suicidal ideations have started in earnest tonight.
Why the heck is something that should be making me feel better making me slide into this helpless heap instead?
2 Answers
- PamLv 71 decade agoFavourite answer
People with BPD have a hard row to hoe. Poor self esteem is one of them. I would get into therapy, and make a commitment to work on your self esteem. Dialectical Behavior Therapy is also extremely helpful. Ask your family doctor for a referral to a psychologist who treats BPD and who offers DBT. You should look for someone very caring.
It also sounds like you are suffering from depression, or the beginnings of it. Your therapist can help with that as well. If it gets worse, he/she can refer you to a psychiatrist for medications, while you continue talk therapy. My sister has BPD and always does much better when in therapy or group support. Hope you feel better soon!!
- 1 decade ago
It is apparent that you totally lack confidence in yourself and you feel failure.
Unfortunately, not having a job will make you even more miserable and without means of support for you and your son. I think it's time to suck it up and at least go in there and give it your best shot. Feelings of low self-worth will be even worse if you let this opportunity go by.
Don't 'think' about this anymore! Just do it. For your and your son's sake, don't let negative thoughts stop you from attempting to accomplish something. Even if this doesn't go great, you'll know in your heart you 'tried'.
All the best to you!
