♥Missing my Angel Baby♥

I had my c-section 13 weeks ago, and I'm back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I look so much bigger than I used to. I only gained 30 pounds throughout my pregnancy, but actually I've lost 40 pounds. I feel like I'm so huge, and I don't even want to leave the house because I feel so ugly. I found out yesterday that I have an infection in my uterus, so could that be causing some of the bloating and swelling in my stomach? I'm on antibiotics for it so hopefully it will go away soon. It just doesn't seem fair to look like you just had a baby when you don't have a baby. What can I do to try and get back to normal? Don't tell me to breastfeed because unfortunately I don't have that option. It doesn't seem fair to look like you just had a baby when you don't have a baby!

I'm looking for stuff like Wish You Were Here- Pink Floyd, Paint it Black- Rolling Stones, and The Scientist-Coldplay. I really love classic rock, but some new bands will work too.

Two weeks ago, my baby boy was born sleeping at 35 weeks. Now I'm not trying to scare anybody, I just really want some answers. I've tried researching and can't seem to find what I'm looking for anywhere, and I've also talked to my doctor, but it didn't really clear things up even though he tried to explain. He said that about 2 inches away from where the umbilical cord attaches to the baby that the blood flow just all of a sudden stopped. Now, he said when they delivered my baby that there was no kink or knot that he could see. So, what could have caused this to happen? Is it possible that there was a kink in the cord and it either couldn't be seen or something?

How long do you have to wait? I lost my beautiful baby boy at 35 weeks and want to get his footprint on my back. Does anyone have any good sayings that I could put around this? I know I'm getting his name, but I can't decide what else to get...

Please, please enjoy your pregnancy no matter how much it may seem like you want it to be over at times! Cherish every single little kick and hiccup, and always remember that it won't last forever no matter how drawn out it may seem. I recently lost my baby boy at 35 weeks, and I wish every minute that I would not have complained about all of the little aches and pains because they were so worth it. Good luck to all of you and make the most of everything! If you ever think something is wrong, go with your gut-feeling and please call the doctor! I was told so many times that I was over-reacting and guess what, the one time I didn't over-react was the one time I should have..

On Februrary 28, 2010, my first son, Brodie, was born sleeping at 35 weeks.gestation. I went in because I had not felt any movement within the past day, other than hiccups, and my worst nightmare came to life. The Wednesday before this happened, I actually went in for a non-stress test because he was not moving very much. It turned out I was dehydrated and had to be given fluids, but my little man was doing fine and healthy, or at least we thought. They sent me home and the following day he continued to move normally, but then Friday I only felt a few movements and hiccups. I thought maybe his movements were changing because he was too big to move around very much anymore, and just shook it off thinking everything was fine. Then Satuday, the only thing I felt all day was hiccups in the morning. Once again, I figured he was moving around, and I just wasn't feeling him. Sunday, I knew something was wrong and finally called the doctor. I went in and they could not find his heartbeat, performed an ultrasound, and everything was downhill from there. I chose to have a c-section because I couldn't bear the thought of experencing hours of labor only to end up with nothing. I cried during the whole surgery, even though I couldn't feel the physical pain, the emotional pain was tearing me apart. He was born a healthy baby boy at 6:08 PM, and his death was due to a knot in his cord. He already weighed 8 pounds and 2 ounces. We chose to see my son after the surgery, and I'm so glad I did. I was able to spend time with him throughout my entire hospital stay and at least get to know the son I could never have somewhat. Now that I'm finally home, I feel even more lost than before. I can't stop blaming myself, even though every single person incuding my doctor has told me there was nothing they could have done. If I would have just called the doctor Friday when I suspected something, he would still be here and be able to live the life he deserves. I was responsible for taking care of him, and I didn't even make sure he was okay. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I killed him. I mean the cord was part of my body and that is what caused his death. I've tried being reasonable and still can't bring myself to change my mind. I love my little man so much and don't think I will ever make it through life without him. He was the only person I had and now he, too, is gone. I can't eat or sleep and feel like if he can't be here, then I don't want to be either. I just want to be in heaven holding my baby, and I don't want to wait until later. I know I can't bring him back, but I'll never make it through this...

My son was born on Feb. 28th sleeping due to a knot in his cord. Well, I guess I really know how, but I just need to let it out. Nobody understands and I'm so sick of hearing "everything happens for a reason" "you'll be okay, and things like "it was just meant to happen." Don't they know it is not okay and will never be!?! I know they are just trying to help, but all I want right now is to be alone so I can have time to myself and not act like I'm okay. I want so badly to be with my baby boy in heaven and be the mother to him that he should have. Oh yeah, and I'm sick of hearing that it isn't my fault because it damn well is. If I would have called sooner, my baby would be here with me now. If I hadn't moved around so much and took it easy like I should have instead of stressing myself out over getting everything ready, this would have never happened. I feel like the worst person in the world knowing that I couldn't even give my son the life he deserved. I'm also young (18 turning 19 in 2 weeks) and I'm sick of being told that I have plenty of time to have babies. It will NEVER bring Brodie back, and he is all I want!! I love him so much and this is absolutely killing me!! Can anyone give me any advice or just share some of your experiences? I just need to talk to somebody! I would be 35 weeks and 3 days and was so close to having him! He was a healthy gorgeous little boy too, already weighing 8 pounds and 2 ounces and 18 inches long (some of the weight was just fluid though). I haven't even slept of eaten since I found out, all I do is cry cry cry!

Tell me what you think please..especially if there are any poem experts out there!

Brodie,

I never knew how much I could love someone I never knew, until the day I met you

As I picture your perfect little hands and precious feet, all I can do is continue to weep

For the greatest gift I have ever known has to go so suddenly home.

I know you’ll be in a better place, but that doesn’t help to fill this empty space

With every minute that passes by, I can’t help but wonder why

My first son, so special and sweet, I will never get to properly greet.

There is nothing anyone can do or say that will take the horrible pain away

So, I’ll look forward to the day when I can finally see the angel I know you’ll be

But until then, Brodie, know you will forever live in my mind and in my heart.

Yesterday was the most horrible day of my life. I hadn't been feeling any movement other than hiccups which don't count, and had to go into the hospital for another non-stress test. When we arrived, I was horrified to find no heartbeat for my son. I was only 5 weeks away from my expected due date, so it kills me to think if only I had called sooner, my baby might have survived. I never knew how much you could love someone you have never even met. I ended up having a c-section last night at six because I couldn't go through the trauma of being induced. I met my son late last night for the first time, and he was perfect in every single way. He weighed 8 pounds and 2 ounces, which some of that was just fluid, and was 18 inches long. My baby was a healthy big boy, and we discovered there was a knot in his cord. I feel so bad that I couldn't even give him a good life, ff only he could take my place here on earth and have everything he deserves. So, pregnant ladies and mothers, we you feel something is wrong don't ignore it or worry about bothering someone. Pay very close attention to every small detail because you can never worry too much. Good luck to all of you and I hope everything turns out good for you!

The past few days, I've felt this pulse feeling in my stomach, and it actually makes my stomach move. It is not hiccups because it is way too fast, and I can tell there is a difference between the two. What could this be? It almost looks like my belly steadily rises with each "pulse."

Okay, every now and then I will feel like a really tight spot in my stomach for a few seconds then it will go away. I know these are not Braxton Hicks because my entire stomach does not get hard. Right where I feel the tight spot, there is always a hard "lump." Is this movements from the baby? I'm just wondering because people say movement changes the closer you get to the end, and I'm almost 35 weeks and am not getting the kicks I usually do.

I posted a question earlier about not feeling my baby move much at 35 weeks. I went to the hospital Wednesday because of this problem and everything seemed to be fine. However, at least he was moving some then. Today, I haven't felt him move, or at least been aware of it, since lunch time. I have noticed him having the hiccups within the past few minutes, but I know this is not a movement. Should I go to to labor and delivery again now to have everything monitored? I just hate to go again because I was just there, but I have to do what I have to do for my baby. My doctor's office is closed, so could I just call the labor and delivery department and ask to speak to a nurse for advice?

I'll be 35 weeks Sunday, and I have noticed a major decrease in movement. Wednesday, I called my doctor about it, and they did a non-stress test and said his heartbeat and everything looked good. Today, I have only felt him move maybe 6 or so times, and it is really starting to freak me out because I haven't felt anything in the last few hours that was noticeable. One of my problems is that when he moves most of the time I don't feel it though because the other day when I was being monitored they would always say he was moving, but I never felt it. Did you notice decreased movement close to this time and how much? I'm going to try drinking some orange juice and see what happens, but I am really worried!

I have found a school close to home that offers cardiac and vascular ultrasound training. Would the vascular program include obstetrics or would I have to find another school to attend?

I was reading some other questions, and it kind of made me wonder. I'm not trying to sound stupid, but I honestly don't know. So, if they don't mean the same thing, what is the difference?

I am 34 weeks and barely have an appetite at all. All of the water I drink keeps me so full and usually I don't want to think about food, but I have to make myself. I'm not like this everyday of course, but like today I was at the hospital all day from being dehydrated and have not eaten very much. So, could days like these harm my baby, or as long as I am eating something every now and then, keeping hydrated, and taking my vitamins should I be okay?

Well, that is pretty much the question. I don't want one unless I absolutely have to have it, but I am keeping an open mind. What does it feel like?

I just noticed that I had some light pink spotting, it was a very small amount, but I am still concerned. It is almost 4 AM where I live, and I really hate to call the doctor's office unless it is something serious. Should I be worried or just make sure it doesn't happen anymore?

Somehow, I have managed to avoid the dreaded pregnancy heartburn, that is up until last night. I drank some Kool-Aid Lemonade, and oh it was so horrible. I've never experienced heartburn in my life, and I don't have any idea of how to deal with it. It keeps coming back, so I am going to have to find something for sure. What are some ways to cure it, other than taking tums, because even though they are safe, I still refuse to take them. I know I'm stubborn, but I won't even take Tylenol either because I feel like I'm being selfish and should just get through the little aches and pains without medicine!

Ever since I woke up from a nap around 6, I have been feeling very light-headed and weak. I'm pretty sure I have been drinking enough fluids, so I wouldn't think I would be dehydrated, but I have felt thirsty non-stop for the past few hours. Also, when I went to the doctor today, my urine was much darker than normal. It is usually a very clear color but not today. Is there anyway I could be dehydrated or maybe something else? I keep having this feeling like I can't breathe, which is probably normal but I just thought I would add that and every now and then I get this cramping feeling. The cramps are not painful, they are just like a mild ache and are not regular at all, so they are not contractions.